Tell her she can't have a vagina
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
