I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
