Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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