My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
