I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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