i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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