i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
love makes seman taste better
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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