i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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