I hope mine doesn't look like that
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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