Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
