I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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