he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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