Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
