Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
