Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
