Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
