you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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