Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
