i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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