I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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