my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
