He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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