as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
