I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
