Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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