Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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