What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
