thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
