I CAN MOONWALK!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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