You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
