The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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