I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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