I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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