Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
