They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
