I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
