You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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