this beer tastes like vomit already
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
