tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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