if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
