Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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