she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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