just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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