i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
