Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
