Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
