You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
