My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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