Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
