people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
